Signs, signs, everywhere there’s signs
You’re trying to do Something. It doesn’t matter what.
You do what you think you’re supposed to do, but Something just isn’t happening.
What you’d think people would do: Look left, look right, look up, locate the brightly colored sign telling you exactly how to do Something. Follow the directions as written. Do your Something, forget all your troubles, c’mon, get happy.
What people actually do: Keep trying the thing that’s not working. Panic. Jab buttons at random. Panic some more. Start wandering around, cursing the idiots who set up this Something station, until you find someone who looks like they might work there. Yell, whine, or mumble about your Something problem. Interject–lots of times–with an explanation of what you’ve been doing and how it’s not working, pretty much forcing them to start over from the beginning because they can’t come out and say, “you’re doing it wrong.” Half-way listen as they tell you the exact same information that was on a sign not six goddamn inches from where you were trying to do Something. Go back to the Something station, try implementing the half of the verbal instructions that you were paying attention to while interleaving your assumptions about the way Something should work, dammit. Fail. Track down the Something attendant again. Continue the cycle until the attendant follows you back to the station and does Something for you. Wonder aloud why they’re making your life so difficult. No matter what else you do, never ever ever ever even notice that there are clear, informative, easy-to-read directions right at your elbow.
Those of you who’ve never worked with the public might think I’m slightly exaggerating. Nope.
(There’s also the transitional lifeform that actually will read the directions and genuinely seem to believe they’re following them, but somehow they manage to consistently read the directions as saying “insert tab A into slot B” when what they actually say is “turn dial 2 to Clowny Face”. These people fascinate and frighten me.)
(Is there, by the way, a non-condescending way to say, “No, sorry, Dial 2 is not the switch labeled alpha, it’s the dial labeled 2. No, that’s a dial but it’s labeled three. We call it Dial 3.”)
(I have no idea where to put the question mark in that last parenthetical aside.)
March 8th, 2010 at 5:14 pm
long long ago … in the days I worked retail … at Sunglass Hut I would sit in front of the wall of Oakley, because that’s all anyone ever wanted (that or Rayban Aviators, which were in the glass case in front of the wall of Oakleys).
It was a section of wall about 4 feet wide and 8 feet tall, full of Oakley sunglasses with a HUGE black banner with the O for Oakley symbol in the middle. About 85% of people would walk in, look around, stare DIRECTLY AT THE HUGE WALL OF OAKLEY WITH IT’S BANNER and either mumble something about no Oakley’s as they walked out or, sometimes, ask me if we carried Oakley, to which I would reply ‘No, no we do not’ and they would leave.
I’ll also add this, because it happened this morning, again. We get a trouble ticket that there is a problem with the phones. I take a look and don’t see a problem. I ask the tech on site, is this one user or everyone and the response is ‘everyone’. So I go through logs, dig deeper into the server looking for anything that might be causing the problem, still don’t find anything, so I go to the users myself and ask ‘is this thing happening TODAY?’ and the users respond ‘YES, IT HAPPENED 2 WEEKS AGO’
:-(
March 8th, 2010 at 7:12 pm
Of course, my sense of justice dictates that when they first ask the question, you grab them by the ear, drag them over to the sign, and point at it, refusing at all times to say anything, then return to your post.
March 8th, 2010 at 7:15 pm
Can you tell I have played a service role only for an audience of extreme geeks asking deep technical questions? Nearly all of whom already knew they were lost and it was most likely their own fault? And would apologize for asking for help even after paying for the privilege and were glad when I responded at all? Them was the days.
March 11th, 2010 at 9:56 pm
John: Wow, I wish I could pull your Sunglass Hut trick. :-)
And I know your “happened two weeks ago” problem very, very well. :-(
Pete: Yes, I can tell you’ve played a service role only for an audience of extreme geeks. :-) And I might requote that as a lead-in to something about invisible privilege that I’ve been stewing over for a while, except I’ll have to pretend that it’s invisible to you. ;-)
This comment contains the highest emoticon density I’ve ever produced.
Erm, o_0